Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Learning Curve

I knew when we decided to have #2 and all through my pregnancy that we were in for a whole new world of challenges. After all, it's been awhile--4 years in fact, since we had a newborn and we'd need to learn and re-learn a thing or two or a hundred. Not too mention getting used to managing dos bambinos with two very different sets of needs. Lately, I have felt so overwhelmed and sometimes incapable of being a good mother to both of my children and meeting their needs as best I can. One second, Sofia is content as can be and the next second it's meltdown city. One moment, Sydnei, is fed, changed, and sound to sleep, the next minute she's awake and whaling. While trying to juggle the girls I'm also thinking about the house cleaning that needs to be done, the garage that needs organized the 50 errands I still need to run...the list goes on and on.

My feelings of being overwhelmed have induced this utter sense of inadequacy. Thoughts have surfaced like: how in the world did my Mom do this? Why does that Mom seem to have it so together? And then it hits me, it's not automatic. Yes, most mother's are born with a keen sense of intuition but so much of our ability to love, nurture, and provide come with learning, practice, and time. So, that's where I am right now and that's okay. Gratefully, the perfectionist and inpatient side of my personality decided to buy into this concept this morning. What a relief. Thankfully, I feel a "little" less stressed to start my day and while thoughts continue to come to my mind such as: "Will I ever get the hang of this?" I remind myself to be patient and while I won't have motherhood 100% figured out today, guaranteed, with the right perspective and lots o' love we'll do just fine.

Sofia and I on the Willamette River Cruise
August 15, 2008

Sydnei and I on a train ride through the Oregon Zoo
August 19, 2008

Humbled? Yes. More grateful for the example, sacrifices, patience, and love of my own mother? Definitely. It's amazing what a little reality check and perspective shift can do.


Emily said...

Wow! Sydnie looks very close to the way I remember how sophia looked when I knew her.

Rach said...

I couldn't have explained motherhood better myself. It is such a rollercoaster of emotions. I also find myself feeling very inadequate (especially with two emotional girls). But you are right, all we can do is be patience and know that many mothers have gone before us, so we will survive too! Or should I say, our children with survive:)

Lori said...

I love catching up on your blog... though I've been offline so long I feel like I'm never going to get through everything!
Thanks for keeping your blog better than I keep mine lately!! ;)

Careese said...

Those are to great pictues. Sydnei sue is growing up so fast. I remember it like it was yesterday. Sofia is so cute in that picture. I miss you guys so so so much.

Cousin Careese

aka.... Sweets or Careesey